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Fifteen years ago, I went back to college, using tuition we'd saved for my teen daughter. She'd been killed in a car accident. To turn hookers seeking fuck a massive negative into something positive I went to college. GREAT MOVE! I loved it! Learned so much and was so eager to get back out in the world, and earn a better living. But tragedy again struck. Had a stroke, then another, followed every two years by heart attacks. I ended up, after working for 28 years, on SSI (welfare social security) because they only go back ten years. Well, in that ten years, I'd been a housewife, college student and then patient. NO INCOME. Therefore, SSI of $ to live on! Forget that I'd worked and paid into FICA when a was worth of today! So, I ilve on that and that's it, except for the handouts from pitying family who would likely have rather seen me dead than to have to chip in here and there to help out. During tht time of illness, I lived in Alaska, and raised my alone. It was so hard. YOu have NO idea. Now, I've come back to Texas to escape the harsh winters of Alaska; they literally were me. What do I find here? Nothing. Family who'd rather I stayed away since I apparently am a bringer of bad luck: dead, illness, hardshp beyond ANYTHING they could dream of not sure if they are ashamed of themselves or me but bottomline, I suffer for it all. STILL! Now that I WANT to return to work, I'm too old, too educated, TOO this and TOO that today I thought about just ending it all. Not sure I still won't just not today. So those of you who think you are Rescue One, get over it. Prayer? WHAT A JOKE! LOLOLOL You have your health, the, and friends. The car eventually be fixed. The lost $ . sucks but it happens, and it has nothing to do with carelessness. Manure happens. ALL THE TIME. Trust me on that one! I have no big secretson how to survive except one: get up every day at the same time, put one foot in front of the other and PRETEND LIKE HELL THAT NOTHING BOTHERS YOU IN THE LEAST. History proves that humanity loves nothing more than to kick others when they are down. NEVER LET THEM KNOW YOU ARE DOWN!

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Tweet now that I know what it was that was happening! On our prior attempt, I knew about it as it was happening. Maybe it's a blessing to not have known? Maybe? I might have been too invested in the process the first time. We have to experiment with this try again! And again! Thank you for all of your support on my path. You're awesome.